Thank you for choosing the N154 strain of ‘cold’ virus. Your body is important to us and we will endeavour to deliver on our stated guarantee as set out below. Please don’t forget to check the terms and conditions in order to verify your guaranteed status.
Our Commitment to You
With N154 strain of ‘cold’ virus you can expect:
- a guaranteed FIVE weeks minimum of illness
- at least TWO weeks of streaming - runny nose and sneezing 24/7
- a further two weeks of coughing, spluttering and wheezing (asthma subscribers have a bonus here)
- the bonus feature: when symptoms have elapsed you can expect at least a full WEEK of fatigue and listlessness
You can sign up more easily in the future – to subscribe to other, similar viruses you need do nothing – they will be made available and you will be informed in due course.
LOL
Update: Daniel had four teeth out yesterday under general anaesthetic. It’s weird seeing your child go under; one minute they’re lucid and the next the eyeballs turn upwards and they’ve gone. Disturbing. When he had his leg operated on we had a nurse take care of us afterwards as we found it quite upsetting the first time. The staff were all great at the Royal, if a little patronising in Daniel’s eyes as they’re geared to looking after smaller children. But at least they try. Anyway, everything was quite straightforward and he should recover well.
Today I shall be mostly… enjoying my fourth week of subscription to the N154 virus.
Kirk out
