OK so this is what I am determined to do…

to bring this plane of insanity in to land.  I am going to do this now.  I am going to call a halt.  I am determined that He Who Must Not be Named shall not enter my life again, since he refuses to enter it in time and space.  he shall not enter my head-space again.

The reality will emerge.  Either it was really he and he could not or would not manifest physically, or it was a bundle of things in my subconscious grouping together like a limited company and calling themselves by his name.  I feel a great sense of emerging fulfilment.

I cannot lose by this.  I have felt sublime love and the object of this love is unimportant.  It is divine love for everyone.

So a line is drawn under this now.  And this love will fulfil itself in other ways, and my genius will fulfil itself in other ways.

It has been a prolonged form of torture but I am calling a halt now.

Sorry.  I know this has been C***n by another name.  But I will create another category – that of “chronicle of an insanity”.  So you can avoid these in future if you want to.  But you might be fascinated to glimpse the end of the story.

Who was it did “A Grief Observed”?  I think it was CS LEwis.  Yes

www.amazon.com/GriefObserved-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381 – 314k –

I really am going to go off like a rocket.  Any moment now.

See ya!


This blog is now a Cohen-free zone…

Promise!  Regular readers of this blog deserve a break from my psychosis.  As do I.  But I shall deal with it in my meditations now.

Here’s today’s poem:

The man’s the default setting

woman’s straight to video

the buck that you must conquer

in your wedding rodeo


We had a great weekend in Cardiff.  Holly stayed with her boyfriend in Newport and we went to the Dr Who exhibition and a science museum.  Deniel had a great time at both.  The Dr Who exhibition was really good, with sections on selected eposodes, daleks that came through the floor, and so on.  We had some meals out and generally enjoyed life.  It was great.  They have water buses that go across the bay from the castle to the bay where Dr Who is filmed.  The people there are very friendly and Holly’s boyfirends parents were lovely – the salt of the earth.  At first she was very quiet but then she wouldn’t stop talking.  They were very Welsh.  She kept saying “look”

– But I can’t drive – look! – so Dave has to do it, look!

I felt a great affection for them.  I always think of the people in South Wales as more down-to-earth, hospitable, friendly (in my mind they are associated with pots of tea and plates of biscuits) – and the North Welsh as moody, artistic and insular.  They dislike the English, with good reason in general but when you go there (like when you visit Scotland) you’re inclined to think rather peevishly “I wasn’t there – it wasnt’ my fault!”

I was prepared to feel like this when I went to India but found almost no hostility at all.  This was very humbling.

I am going through some stuff about the ego now.  I think I am experiencing one of the granthis (knots which impede spiritual progress).  One of these is between the third and fourth chakra, round about the region of the stomach, and impedes the development of selfless love, something I am never sure I want to develop until I experience it – and then it is so sublime and irresistible I wonder how I could have ever doubted it.  This granthi is called vishnu granthi


I am coming down to earth now and the meaning of this trip will be revealed.  Until then I am not going to put any more of it on here.  If I do, please post comments which complain loud and long!