Do Go ‘-on’

Mark ejaculated this morning.  No, wait!  don’t go away – I mean in the verbal sense; in the sense in which Dr Watson was heard to ejaculate (entirely without irony) in response to a particularly incomprehensible statement or perplexing situation brought about by his friend Sherlock Holmes.

The cause of Mark’s – er, utterance was his milk.  For! he has a 2-litre bottle of milk which has been Going On Forever.  He bought and opened it before Christmas and as he just finished it this morning he gave it a sniff and said ‘It’s still not off!’  To which I wittily replied, ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter!’  I thought that was quite good, but sadly he then had to go and spoil the moment by pointing out that if it had gone off it would be yoghurt rather than butter…

I have to report that I have this week come across two people who really liked JK Rowling’s latest book, The Casual Vacancy.  The first was Daniel’s girlfriend, and the second was a rather engaging blogger in Newfoundland (or as Mark pronounces it, ‘Nwfndlnd’) whose name, alas, I have forgot.  Let’s see if I can find it… nope, sorry.  You’ll have to wait until Mark gets back from Loughborough.

Got it!  She replied to my comment so here’s the link:

Preparations are afoot here for Daniel’s 16th tomorrow… chiefly buying a sufficiently geeky card (not as easy as you might think) and a piece of wrapping paper vast enough to cover his massive present (and no, it isn’t an erection of some kind; fnarr fnarr!)*.  I’m not going to tell you in case he breaks the habit of a lifetime and actually reads this blog…

So, to conclude – I meant to put this in yesterday but decided that I’d ranted enough; but I can no longer contain my rising passion **at this – wait for it – phenomenon.

Did you get that?  Phenome-what?  Phenomen-ON!  ON!  On!  ON!  ON!!!

Here’s the deal.  PhenomenA – is plural.  PhenomenON – is singular!  Got that?  Good.   So don’t let me hear you say, as people DAILY do on the radio, ‘this particular phenomena is…’ or ‘this is a phenomena of the…’ or ‘the phenomena of the fiscal cliff is…’


Deep, calming breaths; deep calming breaths…

Kirk out

*enough with the innuendoes – Ed

** what did I just say? – Ed


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