But it’s ahl uver nye…

Give me a ‘D’!

Give me a yawn!

Give me two fingers down the throat!

Don’t give me a f*ck!

What’s that spell?

Oh, yes – it’s the latest highly speculative, couldn’t-give-a-flying-thingy, non-story about the Duchess of Wherever-it-is who is expecting what will probably become the ayr to the thryne.  She was said to have mentioned the ultrasound scan of her ‘d-‘, thus prompting feverish and, frankly, unbalanced speculation as to whether that ‘D’ could possibly stand for… oh, I can’t be bothered; you can fill in the rest.  And I’m not going to give you a link to the story either – just get a life!

If I sound a little testy this morning – not to mention exhibiting some odd spellings – it’s because I’ve discovered Charlie Brooker.  This man is not merely rude – as, say, someone like Jeremy Paxman is, sneering at undergraduates who can’t instantly reproduce the answer he has in his sweaty little fist – he is intelligently rude.  It’s the kind of rudeness that stems from actually caring about whether stuff is good or not, and weeding out the pretentious and worthless.  Charlie Brooker’s Weekly Wipe is witty, thoughtful and, yes, rude – but not in a gratuitously offensive way, just in an intelligent way.  Go watch:


Having said all that, you may wonder why I am lapsing into some weird spellings this morning.  It’s this: that I really like a Northern Irish accent.  They kind of squeeze and squash their vowels in an unexpected way and it’s just – oh, I don’t know – different.  Our national life has become so bland and boring that whenever anyone genuinely eccentric comes on, they are seized on, packaged, marketed and served up over and over for about five minutes or until everyone gets tired of them.  So about the only way people are allowed not  to be clones nowadays is in retaining their accent.  So let’s treasure Eamon Holmes, Caron Keating (RIP) and anyone else who still has some vestige of individuality.

Without being gratuitously rude, of course.

Kirk out


2 thoughts on “But it’s ahl uver nye…

    1. He’s so funny! he’s one of the few TV presenters who can actually make me laugh out loud


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