Can You Do The Vagina Tomato Dance?

Today I woke up thinking about joke introductions.  No, I don’t mean the sort that go ‘I was walking down the street one day when…’ or ‘three men walk into a pub and…’ or ‘I was at a football match when…’  Nay; I mean a way of introducing – or perhaps I should say, describing – yourself, that is in itself contradictory.  And hence becomes a joke.

OK I’ll give you an example.  This one’s a classic:

Pedantic? I?

I remember that one from Frasier.  And then we have the ever-popular:

Pretentious? Moi?

which is probably my favourite.  So I started to think about extending this range.  And I came up with a few:

Repetitive?  I myself personally?

Rastafarian?  I-and-I?

Selfish?  Me-me-me?

Hyper-correct?  Myself?

Stutterer?  I-I-I?

and so on.  I suspect there is a limited range of these but if you come up with any more, let me know.

In the meantime I shall be monologuing Vaginally as it’s the finale of Everybody’s Reading Week:

and dancing barnily as it’s the Martyrs barn dance this evening.  Oh, and Tomatoing this morning.  So all in all it’s a vagina-tomato-dance kind of day…

Kirk out

PS  Oh, and remind me not to go to any more poetry events at The Font.  That’s twice I’ve been down there now and nothing has happened.