From time to time I forage in the outer – or rather, the inner – darkness of the food cupboard to see what supplies are lurking there, and today I found a clutch of tea bags. Is that the correct collective noun for tea-bags? I know the name for a heap of used tea-bags is ‘a heave’ of tea-bags, but I’m not sure about unused ones. Seriously, is there anything more sad and depressing than a used tea-bag, sitting oozing onto a saucer, its life-blood squeezed out and yet showing that it has so much more to give? Tea-leaves, by contrast, are useful: they can be spread on the ground for compost or used for divination, and they are relatively attractive to look at. But I digress…
On closer inspection, one of this clutch of sachets turned out to be green tea. I do not consider green tea to be tea at all: I do not like it and I don’t want it in my cupboard. So unless somebody claims it soon, it will go.
In a similar way, I sometimes forage in the subterranean world of my spam folder. This is truly depressing; the thought that there are so many people out there trying to cheat us out of our money by offering stuff from the sublime to the completely ridiculous (the current favourite seems to be buying cheap meds from Canada) but there are some claiming that I have recently had an accident or that my insurer could owe me thousands or offering to lease me a car very cheaply or to save me money on my employee insurance. Others sneak in under the radar, like one I nearly fell for recently which claimed to be from BT and to say that my recent payment didn’t go through. I almost clicked on the link, then I checked it out and it was bullshit. More fodder for the spam folder.
If you could only use spam as compost…
I do not like green tea and spam.