I have never actually owned a cuckoo clock, though I once knew someone who did; and I can tell you that once the novelty wears off they are extremely annoying. When you get to the later hours of the day and it just cucks over and over and over you want to get out a clockwork gun and shoot the bloody thing. But even more annoying than that, is the clock on our cooker.
It’s an electric clock, with two buttons for setting both time and cooker alarm. The latter is extremely useful – I set it daily to time my eggs and if you have something in the oven it will switch the oven off so you don’t have to worry about burning stuff. It also beeps reasonably loudly so you can hear it from the other rooms. However, co-operative as the buttons are when it comes to setting the alarm, they absolutely refuse to have anything to do with setting the clock.
Yes, I did read the instructions. And no, they did not work. I know my usual modus operandi * is ‘when all else fails, read instructions’, but this time I did get out the booklet. ‘Press both buttons together,’ it said. ‘Then adjust plus or minus button to set correct time.’ Simple enough, eh? What actually happens is that it sets the alarm again, while the clock remains wedded to GMT. Last year it took us so long to change it that it was nearly time for the clocks to go back again – so this year we haven’t bothered; meaning that the cooker is now in a different time-zone from the rest of the house.
But soon the rest of the house will come back into line, as the clocks revert to GMT on Saturday. I wonder how many Quakers will turn up for Meeting at 11.30, having forgotten to put their clocks back?
Alas, none of this will have any effect on my mobile, which remains stubbornly convinced that the time is 3 minutes earlier than it actually is. I can’t fathom why this should be; but every time I reset it, the clock puts itself right back where it was, meaning that I have to remember each time I look at it, that the real time is three minutes later.
Is it any wonder that I never know when I am?
*see how these Latin crosswords are having an effect on me?