Longest-Running Soap ‘Still Alive’ After Attack

Britain’s longest-running soap, The Archers, is in a critical condition today after suffering a near-fatal attack.  Powerless to change the narrative, friends of the series listened in horror as, after years of abuse which included improbable plot-lines, frequent changes of actors, a flood of new characters and a slew of disasters, one cast-member decided she could take no more and in a final desperate plot-twist, attacked the series.  However she failed to finish off the long-running programme – a pulse was detected and it is now critically ill in hospital.

Friends and family of the series have reacted variously.  Some have expressed disbelief that a programme could behave so badly as to deserve such an end, while others said they knew it all along.  Many people have pointed the finger at the series’ life-partner, Sean O’Connor, citing his previous series, EastEnders, as evidence that the programme had been ‘groomed.’

The Archers remains critically ill but in a stable condition.

Kirk out


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