Please stand by: conservative spokespersons are trying to find something positive to say about the election. Meanwhile here is some light music:
The story so far:
We had an election. Nobody won a majority. Lots of people wanted the Maybot to resign but instead she went to see the Queen and had tea. Here is a reconstruction of their conversation:
Maybot: Your Majesty.
Queen: Mrs Maybot. One understands you have called an election to increase your majority and have in fact decreased it, causing one some concern as to your sanity.
Maybot: Yes, your Majesty.
Queen: Well, what have you got to say for yourself?
Maybot: I know I’ve been naughty but please can I form a government with my friends from Northern Ireland?
Queen: Won’t that threaten the peace process?
Maybot: No. Absolutely not. Strong and stable, strong and stable.
Queen: Oh all right then.
Meanwhile in another corner of London Tony Blair emerges from the cupboard where he has been held hostage. He emerges blinking into the daylight to learn the news that parliament is hung and that his bete noir (or rouge) the Corbynista, has smashed his way to an increased share of the vote. Just as he is swallowing this indigestible news, a reporter approaches.
‘Mr Blair? What’s your reaction to the news? Do you regret being so critical of Mr Corbyn? Would you like publicly to apologise like Owen Smith and Yvette Cooper? Mr Blair? Mr Blair?’
But Blair has slunk off and is nowhere to be seen. Latest reports indicate he is holed up in a bunker plotting his return to power.
More on this as it emerges. Meanwhile back to the studio.
Kirk out
Sarada Gray 