For some inexplicable reason, my latest works of staggering genius didn’t make it onto Newsjack. Well, I thought they’d be inundated with stuff about the Tory Party conference so here, as promised, I display them for your delectation:
Last week Theresa May was standing in an empty hall trying to get over a bad cough when a rogue Tory Party conference broke in and handed her a list of Labour Party policies. It is not known how the conference, played by a bunch of comedians, was allowed access to the PM.
The conference slogan was in trouble too, when a couple of words fell off, obscuring the message ‘building a country that works or everyone will die’. Officials have denied that the message originally read ‘come back Dave all is forgiven’.
Afterwards there was an epidemic of tumbleweed as Party members were asked their opinions on Theresa May’s speech. Many of them had gone to bed hoping it was all a British dream but woken up to find it was only too real.
I’m wasted here…