ATOS: I see here that you’ve put in a claim for Universal Credit.
ATOS: But you are fit for work.
Claimant: Fit for work? I’m not fit for work – I’ve got to have my leg amputated!
ATOS: It’s just a scratch. Come on, you’re fit for work!
Claimant: I’ve got to have a prosthetic leg! I can’t possibly go to work!
ATOS: Rubbish. It’s just a flesh wound.
Claimant: Flesh wound! Look, this leg is dead.
ATOS: No it isn’t
Claimant: Yes, it is. It’s deceased. It has gone to meet its maker
ATOS: No, no, no, it’s just resting
Claimant: It has shuffled off this mortal coil. It is a dead leg. It has joined the choir invisible. It is not ‘fit for work’!
ATOS: Look – beautiful blue veins.
Claimant: The veins don’t enter into it. It is an ex-leg!
ATOS: Nah. You’re fit for work. Now bugger off. Next! (laughs evilly) None shall pass the benefits test…