I Must Go to B&Q. It’s the Only Solution to This Intense Cold…

I had a whole day planned today, what with it being a Bank Holiday; I was going to plant out all my tomatoes and butter beans.  But it’s so cold I haven’t got the heart to put them out yet, so instead I’ve just bunged the poor things in the greenhouse to toughen them up a bit.  And now I’ve gone all floppy and listless, without the will to do anything.  Ah well.

I did make it to B&Q this morning, as did the rest of the East Midlands: it is of course a typical thing to do on a Bank Holiday since in B&Q you can get everything for the garden, including fences, decking, hot tubs and pond liners.  But everyone in these places is so miserable you’d think they were in Dismaland.  No-one makes eye contact, nobody smiles; it’s as bad as being in Sainsbury’s.  A propos of which, on Saturday I avoided the great orange monolith and went instead to the outdoor market.  I bought half a dozen local free-range eggs, some excellent grapes, some apples and a few books, all with cheery smiles and genuine banter, not the compulsory ‘how-are-you-today?’ the poor sod at the till has to give.

So at B&Q I managed to manhandle the garden canes, rosemary plants and growbags but was defeated by the compost.  So I asked a nice young man to help, which he did.  When I got to the till I asked again if someone could help but the young woman didn’t seem to know what to do and in the meantime inexplicably stopped serving.  I could feel the impatience of the people behind and began to feel uncomfortable.  Eventually the bloke behind offered to help not out of friendliness but from impatience.  I had to manoeuvre the trolley down to the bottom of the car park, sensing his impatience growing all the time and feeling more ill-at-ease by the moment.  Finally he wrestled my compost bags into the car and left.

So – back home I planted the rosemary and put some of the tomatoes into bigger pots.  And now I’m off to Hathern to pick up a roller-blind.

And that’s today.

Kirk out

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