Shopping Fun???

Food shopping is not fun, and that goes double in these lockdown times. I really hate supermarkets, yet I have to acknowledge that popping in and out of a dozen different shops would be extremely irksome. Much easier to nip up to Sainsbury’s, have a quick whip round with a trolley and Bob’s your uncle. But it is not fun.

On occasion I love to potter round the small independent shops, buying a round of cheese here, some artisan bread there, a bottle of wine, some fresh herbs… it’s a delight. But to do it every day would drive me mad – and besides, I couldn’t afford it. Yet it has to be said, the supermarket is a dreary, dreary experience.

Worse, in these lockdown days when all the smaller shops are shut, it’s hard even to get into the place. I’ve been twice in the last two days and both times there’s been a queue of patient people outside, each standing the requisite two metres behind the person in front, snaking half-way around the car park. I took one look at them and went home again. When I arrived OH expressed surprise.

There was a really long queue,’ I said.

There usually is.

But you said yesterday there wasn’t. And you went at this time of day.

When you go shopping,’ said OH self-righteously, ‘you must expect to spend about two hours outside.’

Sod that for a game of soldiers, I thought. I’ll try again later.

Ah well, some people have it a lot worse. At least when I get into the bloody place there’ll be something on the shelves. Or so I fondly hope…

Anyway, since the only thing I hate worse than shopping is a shopping list, I decided to turn today’s items into a tuneful sonnet. Here it is:

Shopping Lines

First item on the list; some dental floss

a dozen eggs, a loaf of sliced white gunk

a bulb of garlic, fruit and soya yogs

chocolate biscuits, since I’m not a monk;

some cherry toms imprisoned in a punnet

Ground control to cherry Tom, I hum

granola, proper stuff so I can pun it

hola Gran; then some basil in a bunch.

A world away, there’s bleach. It is essential

and yet I don’t like using it at all

but that disgusting toilet’s influential

in making my decision in the mall:

remembering all this, yet lose my grip on

the one thing that I came for: my prescription!

I’m going shopping now. I may be some time…

Kirk out