Do you suspect that you may have clergy in the house? Here are some fail-safe ways to spot them:
- Are there any long black garments on hangers?
- Are there bits of paper lying around which when placed in order spell GOD or JESUS?
- Is there lots of jam in the house?
- At this time of year are there baskets of fruit and vegetables strewn around?
- Does anyone in the house go around muttering feverishly jelly, cat food, Mars bars, Bible?
- Is anyone suspiciously absent at breakfast on Sundays?
7: are there pouches of cat food which have been mysteriously emptied and filled with jelly and bits of cut-up Mars bar?
If you can answer ‘yes’ to any four of the above then you probably have what experts call ‘clergy’. Sorry, there’s no cure for this: you’re stuck with it.
All of which is a propos of our weekend in Wales. Yes, I’ve finally persuaded OH to take his massive brain down to Grosmont for a couple of days in order to veg and to climb some hills. We didn’t do half the things I wanted to do but we did manage to climb Garway Hill, the highest in the immediate area though nothing of course to the Black Mountains and beyond them, the Brecon Beacons. Garway features spectacular 360 degree views, sheep, and bundles of bracken destined to be made into biofuel: it is accessed by a drastically steep and bumpy track leading up to a widened spot which is not so much a car park as a place to abandon all hope of your vehicle’s suspension.
Apart from visiting a friend and going to church on the Sunday we didn’t seem to do much else, except that on the Saturday there happened to be a ‘Last Night of the Proms’ concert featuring a local choir and brass band. This was fun, though it would have been more fun if we had not both been so exhausted. Still it was a good weekend and a restful time. Getting away is always good.
Oh, and the cat food? Shall I tell you? Oh, all right then… the theme of the service Mary was leading was ‘trust’; it being an all-age service she wanted a concrete example of trusting someone in the face of contradictory evidence. So at very little expense but with a great deal of painstaking (not to mention sellotape) she cut the bottoms off some pouches of cat food and constructed a good lookalike from jelly and tiny bits of cut-up Mars bar. This she would then offer to a child with a smile and the words ‘do you trust me?’